Ouch! Croucher on the Doc Visit That (Kinda Funnily) Screwed Up His Birthday

Ouch! Croucher on the Doc Visit That (Kinda Funnily) Screwed Up His Birthday

YOU THINK YOU know how a shot is going to feel. At this point in life, I have had innumerable shots —the injection kind, not the concentrated dazzle of dizziness that precedes a morning spent sending apologetic text messages. Allergy shots, flu shots, immunizations — these are not foreign to me. And yet, there I found myself, a grown man, jumping back, yelping in pain.


I should back up, some.

I first noticed a small bump on my thigh just above my knee upon waking up, one Saturday morning. I distinctly remember thinking to myself "looks like a spider bite" and shrugged it off. I have endured bites of all kind, without issue. However, over the course of the next few days, it grew larger and it became painful, and finally, it began to look bad enough that I found myself sitting at the dermatologist's office with several members of the team — along with a med student — trying to figure out what had happened.

It was also my birthday.

At one point, someone said, "Well, I don't think it's cancer." Which afforded no great sense of relief, as I hadn't even considered that possibility. So, I responded, "I mean, I don't think we thought that it was..." in a way that was more a rhetorical question than a declarative statement. And she said, "Right, I don't think that's what it is." Which left me wondering why the concept was even introduced in the first place. But I pushed back. "I am quite certain it's a bug bite of some sort." I had spent some time on the internet, the week before, and felt fairly confident in my ability to diagnose this unfortunate occurrence and felt the person who had gone to school for a decade would be well-served taking my word for it.

Finally, the doctor with whom I had scheduled my appointment took a look and expressed her very pragmatic and probably even scientific opinion that we likely would not ever know the source of the bite. Someone else suggested that it might have been an ingrown hair that started hanging out with a tough crowd and got involved in some stuff that it shouldn't have been involved in (or at least, that's how I heard it). I immediately decided I would reject the ingrown hair theory, wholesale, if for no other reason than it was the most boring explanation I could possibly imagine.

The doctor felt it might go away on its own, which initially prompted some noticeable disappointment on my end. But things turned around in short order as she followed up with an offer to help it along with a steroid shot. Fast medicine. Short pain, quick gain. This was music to my ears. This also afforded me an opportunity that was previously unimaginable, and I took it:

"I guess birthday shots look a little different at 40, huh?" And the room was alight with courtesy laughter.

This thing hurt. It hurt all the time. It had woken me up several times in the week that followed. It hurt to touch. It hurt to ignore. Even the touch a bed sheet was enough to cause pain. So, you can imagine my surprise when the doctor pointed a needle straight at the center of my sadness. I thought, maybe she'll go in from the side. Wrong. Straight into the center.

I was not prepared for it. I don't know how to describe the sensation, but it was so shocking to me when it happened, my body involuntary jumped back before she could complete the transaction and I let out what could best be described as a yelp. She was caught off guard and said, "Oh no, you can't move!" And I defended, "I didn't want to move it just happened!"

But I pressed on. I reset with leg anchored firmly to the ground. I promised to stay still. My fingers dug into the arms of the chairs and as leaned back and bit my lip I said, "Okay, let's do this." Like a hero.

Maybe that's the lesson: When faced with a challenge don't put it off, don't avoid it. Go straight through, right to the center — even when it hurts. Either that, or try to maintain a more consistent schedule with the exterminator. Reader's choice.

People + Places
Consistent Focus on the Patient Is What Sets Montrose Med Spa Apart

Owner Maricela Olivo and Montrose Med Spa

WHAT MAKES MONTROSE Med Spa stand apart from the competition? We set ourselves apart from the competition by being consistently focused on one thing: the patient. With that focus, we will succeed in a successful and healthy experience and loyalty to Montrose Med Spa. Staying true to our message of intentional wellness is a point of difference where I see other spas being unclear and distracted in their direction. By listening to our patients, we ensure we meet and exceed their expectations. We continually stay on top of the market by offering the best innovative body sculpting and skin treatments that invigorate and energize and are specifically designed to restore balance and strength and renew youth to the body. We also utilize a number of marketing programs to stay on the minds of our guests, including radio, TV, direct mail, email blasts, and unique invitations for exclusive treatments. One element that helps to establish the bar and sets us apart from our competition is our emphasis on providing a complete medical gym experience—from the varied treatments with Emsculpt Neo to a personalized health and wellness and skin evaluation for each individual by our certified staff. We also provide a noninvasive, pain-free, and needle-free facelift through EMFace in addition to offering monthly beauty memberships that create a commitment to the overall wellbeing of the patient.

Keep Reading Show less

Santé's Verde Room

COCKTAILS ON FIRE, caviar carts, and three-hundred-year-old olive trees, oh my! It’s all at Santé (French for cheers!), which has bowed on Richmond in Upper Kirby.

Keep Reading Show less
Food

The Rusty Parrot's courtyard

THE CLUES ARE there from the start: The Jackson Hole airport entrance is marked with an iconic arch made of elk antlers. The airport-transfer driver has binoculars perched on his dash. And the famously jagged Tetons immediately beckon on the picturesque drive to the lodge.

Keep Reading Show less
People + Places